On this day 2 years ago, I said something that was deep inside me for years to my ex-wife. These 7 words began a campaign of terror and destruction. The night was filled with dramatic acting, crying, blaming me, telling me how perfect she was and it was my fault.
What were these 7 words?
“I’m not in love with you, anymore.”
As soon as that happened, I became Enemy #1.
The next two days, the kids were taken from school and eventually taken to Georgia to her parents. Their phones were taken away. A plan was hatched to destroy me, ruin me financially. The time I did get to hear my kids, they were crying and scared. Then silence.
Then I was stuck in that silence preparing alone for a hurricane. Empty texts were sent to make it look like she cared.
Over the course of two years, I have learned that some of my feelings were legitimate. I was wading in misery thinking something was wrong with me but it turned out to be a game of manipulation. Gaslighting.
I’ve been humbled quite a few times. Not just through this process hell but also throughout my life. As a kid of divorce, I wanted to make this quick but the best for both her, my girls and me.
Seeing my daughters get upset, torn down, belittled and ignored keeps me fighting. But the court system continues it’s path of abuse towards men. Any accusations can be thrown around and lies can be told under oath. Stories of despair and theatrics are used to her advantage yet no evidence from my side has been presented.
It’s hard to comprehend the level of effort a person will go through just to destroy someone who falls out of love. But a Borderline/Narcissist will do just that. All their efforts will be directed to their satisfaction of annihilating the perceived enemy. The collateral hurt of the children is of no concern because what everyone should be worried about it how they feel and what they need. Quite a few times I was accused of trying to “make her homeless” or “not allowing her to live.” All while having a supportive relationship, all her bills are paid and living the same lifestyle while destroying the progress over 14 years and pushing me underwater.
You can be honest and not “be in love anymore” but be prepared for the actions of a person with a Personality Disorder. Lies are leverage. Kids are leverage. You are disposable. But keep fighting.
Closing out, this scene from Mrs. Doubtfire reminds me of my day in court last November. Sally Fields look when Robin Williams is forced to be a visitor to his children is telling of someone with empathy. Don’t expect that look from BPD/NPD. They’re empty.